simple truth

I have found that when I am in trial, I get grouchy SO easily. Not just grouchy; over dramatic.
In this particular trial- with the whole "not having a job" thing- I just cry at the drop of a hat. I just feel sad SO often. Not because I doubt God's faithfulness...but because I doubt my own drive to do this job search thing. It is SO much work!!! And what I really want to do...teach...is such a long process for me. I am trying, but feeling so discouraged.
Last night I turned to my almost-asleep husband in bed and said
"I'm scared."
"Of what?" he answered
"Of failing," I whispered.
"You're not going to fail."
"How do yo know?" I pressed.
"You never have."

And he is right. But it is not by my own strength. Because I have Jesus in me, I cannot fail, as long as I am trusting Him.
Even when I am scared and don't know where I am going, my victory is in the One who knows.
Like my daddy told me today "Diana, your God has taken care of you for the past 21 years; what makes you think He will stop now?"
Taking care of me means providing. Providing means...a job? money? a raise for allen? daily bread?
No matter what it looks like, I have no reason for tears.
I have such small faith sometimes. Thank You, Father, for simple truth from dear loved ones.

More than the sparrows

"There is no easy way of saying this; we are letting you go."

Those were the words my (ex)boss spoke to me yesterday. Yes, I was fired. I hate the word fired...it sounds like that you are getting burned at the stake for something you did wrong, when really, this was not my fault. I was a personal assistant to the CEO. The company was acquired, so he is no longer the CEO. The new managers dont feel they need to pay someone to run errands when they can do it themselves. He threw in words like "it wasnt a good fit" and "I know you have been unhappy here, even though it has not affected your work" and "you are too talented and intelligent for a job like this," but honestly, it was because my position is now obsolete.

And you know what, I was ok. When I found out my boss wanted to meet with me, I had this feeling I would be let go. Nervousness filled my body and I felt choked inside. But then I took a breath, pulled me travel Bible in front of me and read Matthew 6
25"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? 26Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life^[b]?

28"And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. 29Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. 30If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? 31So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' 32For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. 33But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 34Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

So I went into it with that knowledge on my heart. I had asked for this, prayed for this. I wanted a new job and time to find one. This was a blessing.

Until I heard these words: "you havent worked here long enough for a severance."

Then I cried.

He promised me any job recommendation in the world. He assured me that he checked around the company for another job that they could give me. He promised that this was on good terms and he would support me 100% in finding a new job.

But after two weeks, my income is gone.

I am scared. Trying not to be, but I am. Allen and I are just starting out. We are learning to budget, save, communicate, live...we can't live as we are on one salary. He is being so supportive and encouraging, trying to calm my fears. My friends have offered us the world. My parents and his parents are there. But my job is gone. I am no longer financially contributing to my family.

God is not gone though. All day, people reminded me "consider the sparrows. Are you not worth more than these?" And even when I screw up over and over, God never says "we are letting you go." He is kinda and merciful. He loves me and cares for me. He will not let us be in want. He WILL NOT forsake us.

Please pray. Pray I am not scared. Pray my husband doesnt have to work twice as much so I never see him. Pray I find a job that I like. Please.