My plan vs God's plan

It has been a shamefully long time since I have written. Life has been crazy, and God has shown me another wonderful aspect of His character: His timing.

As I mentioned in my previous post, I was instructed by my friend Lola to find some life verses to preach to myself in times of need. My second one that I chose several weeks ago is one I have known forever, but never felt as strongly as I do now:

11 For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. 12 Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. 13 You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.

One of my biggest struggles as of late has been wondering what in the world I am doing with my life. I graduated from college on December 15 with a degree in journalism and theater (not the most useless majors in the world, but definitely not the most common if you know what I mean.) When I originally selected those majors, "the plan" was to move to a city after college and have some big city theater/writing job. Well, when I got engaged over a year ago, that plan changed, as I made the decision to marry a man who is working close to my home. Do I regret that decision at all? Absolutely not! But upon graduation I found myself with bills to pay, an April wedding quickly approaching, a great need for money and no definite job.

Needless to say, I was beside myself with anxiety. I questioned everything from my major to my college to the timing of my wedding to the fact that God even cared about what I was doing at all. I was convinced that He had left me in this situation without direction and that I would have to figure out for myself what I was doing. I cried and complained and got angry. I was so consumed with pride that I couldn't see this incredible opportunity to trust God! You see, I wanted a job in MY field in MY timing...and I didn't want to make exceptions. I had the audacity to ask God for a job, but then tell Him that there were some jobs I absolutely did not want because I had a college degree...and then got upset and thought He didn't care when I watched my financial needs get bigger and bigger.

Finally, God gave me a wakeup call. A friend of my father's approached me on Sunday and asked how my job search was going. When I expressed my concerns, he said to me
"You know, I spent some time working a job that seemed to be less than my degree, but God used that in that season on my life. Diana, in Jeremiah He promises to provide for us! He tell us that He has a plan for us and that this plan is to prosper us, to give us hope and give us a future. He will not do any less than that, even if it is not how you want it to. Trust Him!"

I was so humbled by that. I was putting God in a box by not believing He would provide for me. So the next day, I prayed and surrendered my job situation to Him, and recognized that no matter how He decided to provide, I would trust that it was His plan. Then I started filling out some more applications for jobs I would not have considered before, telling God that I trusted that if those were the jobs He had for me, I knew He would use them to provide for me and my family.

That afternoon, I got a call. I was offered a prestigious (for a beginner) position at a very big company. A job that would give me more than I expected in benefits and would bless my marriage greatly. A job that was beyond what I was expecting that morning.

I had actually called upon Him and He listened. I found Him when I sought Him with my heart trusting and open. He had the plan all along- I think He was just waiting for me to surrender MY plan to Him. And I am so glad that He waited for me to learn that lesson in humility.

Empathy

For Sunday School for the next few weeks, I have the great privilege of meeting with my Pastor's wife, Lola, for one on one mentoring. She is helping me with some areas of struggle in my life, as well as giving me advice and counsel for my married life. This past Sunday, she encouraged me to find "life verses" to get me through particular trials or struggles in my life. They could be commands, promises, encouragement or God simply telling me He loves me. I wanted to find ones that applied to this point in my life, rather than just selecting ones I have used in the past, and spent some time going through past encouraging verses. Here is the first one that I came up with. I will post my other one soon. May you too be encouraged.

Hebrews 4:14-16
14Therefore, since we have a great high priest who has gone through the heavens, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold firmly to the faith we profess. 15For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are—yet was without sin. 16Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.

I selected this verse to be a reminder of the power of Christ over the sins I find myself caught in most frequently. This verse fills me with awe. When I sin, which is quite often, the last thing I tend to think of is the fact that my Savior could relate to me. When I feel tempted in certain areas, sometimes I feel such compulsion to give in that I don't even listen to the voice of the Holy Spirit. And afterwards, I feel terribly hopeless and like a failure.

However, I am not alone. Even though Christ was without sin, He still felt the brunt of Satan's most direct temptation. Did His heart race like mine does? Did His mind feel like a blur of conflicting messages? I don't know what the exact experiences of Jesus were, but I know that the Word of God says that He was tempted in every way that we were. And through the power of God and the proclaiming of His Word, Jesus fought Satan's tempting voice.

He was without sin. Now I know that I will not be without sin in this lifetime, but I do have the promise of God that if I approach the throne of grace with confidence, I will receive mercy and grace to help in my time of need. The mercy is the undeserved forgiveness that God bestows upon me when I do fail. And the grace is the undeserved favor that I receive by being blessed with His Spirit who has the power to help me fight.


I feel such great comfort in knowing that Jesus not only is compassionate to my weaknesses and sin, but also completely understands how I am feeling. Even though the translation I have says that he sympathizes, I feel that it goes way beyond that, to the very concept of empathy. Empathy is not just understanding one's feelings, but actually entering into and experiencing one's feelings. Jesus does this for us so that we can have a perfect example of how to respond to tempting situations, and so that we may have hope to respond to them. Our Savior is so kind to go beyond saving us and actually give us this example and hope.


*sites used: www.biblegateway.com and www.dictionary.com

New Year's Resolutions

To the reader,

I have kept silly, sentimental and superficial blogs for years now. But now, I desire to share with you what I believe God has placed upon my heart. Don't get me wrong- I still will share goofy moments and fond memories...but above all, I want my musing to point you to my Savior.

Be blessed.

Diana

It is 2008
2008 is the year I get married. It is my first year out of school. It is the year I move out of my parent's home forever.I want all these things so badly, but am I ready? Will I ever be? I love Allen more than anything, and I truly desire that he love God more through my encouragement. I can't wait for our life together. I just want to be the best wife I can be.

I used to hate New Years Resolutions because they are so cliche. Yes, I have a cliche resolution to lose some weight and eat healthier and exercise, and I am working on the logical plan of action to do so.

But moreso I want to resolve to deepen my relationship with Christ. To make prayer a second nature. To be continually conversing with the Savior. To relish the Word and read it daily. To put God above anything else and put my fiance/husband above myself. To grow with Allen as much as possible. To bless others. To be active in my church. To impact lives as a youth leader. To glorify my Father.I know it is a lot, but with God, all things are possible. If we ask for things in His name that are in accordance with His will, He will give freely. So really, I neednt doubt that God bless me with all those things, because they are all things that He desires. And I know that HE put those desires in my heart, because my sinful heart can not come up with them on its own.

Tonight, Allen and I discussed the ways we want to deepen our relationships with God and then share what we learn so we can grow and deepen our relationship with each other. It is intimidating and overwhelming sometimes, how directly our spiritual walks affect each other, but Allen is such a man of confidence in God. His heart is at peace and encouraged that within the next three months, God will bring us to the point of being ready to be husband and wife. And it will not happen a day sooner than April 19. God will work in us, preparing us for that moment, and will continue to work in our marriage for the rest of our lives. How can I not trust that our kind God will bless us for trying to honor Him?

At dinner, Allen prayed for an extra measure of faith and of grace. And we wait with eager hearts to receive what God bestows on us. He already gave us such an invaluable blessing with each other. I am so incredibly thankful for my husband-to-be, and I know I will love him even more this year than I did in 2007...and I didnt know it was possible to love someone more, and I am already feeling it.

But I want to be most thankful for my Lord. He gave me this year. May I give it back to Him.

my cousin and i...one of my favorite christmas day pictures