It has been a shamefully long time since I have written. Life has been crazy, and God has shown me another wonderful aspect of His character: His timing.
As I mentioned in my previous post, I was instructed by my friend Lola to find some life verses to preach to myself in times of need. My second one that I chose several weeks ago is one I have known forever, but never felt as strongly as I do now:
11 For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. 12 Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. 13 You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.
One of my biggest struggles as of late has been wondering what in the world I am doing with my life. I graduated from college on December 15 with a degree in journalism and theater (not the most useless majors in the world, but definitely not the most common if you know what I mean.) When I originally selected those majors, "the plan" was to move to a city after college and have some big city theater/writing job. Well, when I got engaged over a year ago, that plan changed, as I made the decision to marry a man who is working close to my home. Do I regret that decision at all? Absolutely not! But upon graduation I found myself with bills to pay, an April wedding quickly approaching, a great need for money and no definite job.
Needless to say, I was beside myself with anxiety. I questioned everything from my major to my college to the timing of my wedding to the fact that God even cared about what I was doing at all. I was convinced that He had left me in this situation without direction and that I would have to figure out for myself what I was doing. I cried and complained and got angry. I was so consumed with pride that I couldn't see this incredible opportunity to trust God! You see, I wanted a job in MY field in MY timing...and I didn't want to make exceptions. I had the audacity to ask God for a job, but then tell Him that there were some jobs I absolutely did not want because I had a college degree...and then got upset and thought He didn't care when I watched my financial needs get bigger and bigger.
Finally, God gave me a wakeup call. A friend of my father's approached me on Sunday and asked how my job search was going. When I expressed my concerns, he said to me
"You know, I spent some time working a job that seemed to be less than my degree, but God used that in that season on my life. Diana, in Jeremiah He promises to provide for us! He tell us that He has a plan for us and that this plan is to prosper us, to give us hope and give us a future. He will not do any less than that, even if it is not how you want it to. Trust Him!"
I was so humbled by that. I was putting God in a box by not believing He would provide for me. So the next day, I prayed and surrendered my job situation to Him, and recognized that no matter how He decided to provide, I would trust that it was His plan. Then I started filling out some more applications for jobs I would not have considered before, telling God that I trusted that if those were the jobs He had for me, I knew He would use them to provide for me and my family.
That afternoon, I got a call. I was offered a prestigious (for a beginner) position at a very big company. A job that would give me more than I expected in benefits and would bless my marriage greatly. A job that was beyond what I was expecting that morning.
I had actually called upon Him and He listened. I found Him when I sought Him with my heart trusting and open. He had the plan all along- I think He was just waiting for me to surrender MY plan to Him. And I am so glad that He waited for me to learn that lesson in humility.
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