Wow. It has been another one of those times that so much is going on and I don't want to update unless I can do a good job. And then things get busy and I have more things to update on and put it off again and again...vicious cycle here.
I started work on Monday and am very thankful. My job is pretty great so far. Again, I am the Communications Analyst for a health care company and I do a lot of writing and maintaining processes that ensure our benefit plans get out in the right time. It just blows my mind how "in my field" I am working. In my first week alone I had to come up with a slogan for and approve a flyer, and draft a letter and meet with our publishing representative (as well as a lot of training.) I feel very fulfilled being in the health care industry and knowing that I am contributing to people getting medical treatments that they need. Now I just can't wait for a paycheck!! It is hard actually having a job and not being able to celebrate!
As for a few more minor tidbits:
Allen and I are becoming more active as a couple in the youth group, which is super great. I love my kids and I love sharing that with him.
I want to buy a car that I actually like. That I research and pick out and test drive and finance myself. I have decided I want to get a 2007 Nissan Versa and am now on the hunt for well-priced ones.
Allen and I have discovered Netflix, and thus discovered Heroes the t.v. show. It is nothing short of addiction. We watch about three episodes a day and just can't get enough. We are already on season 2 after one week.
I have also developed an affinity for string cheese and diet soda, several times a day, to keep me from snacking on carby things. Unfortunately I am out of both, and am not quite sure what I am going to do about it.
I have successfully learned how to cook Indian food. My specialty is coconut curry chicken. MMMMMM.
Well I guess that is all for now. Peace out.
Sunday, October 5, 2008
Thursday, September 18, 2008
NEW JOB!
YAAY!
I got it.
Communications Analyst for Coventry Healthcare.
Thank you, Jesus!
Details later...thanks for praying/reading
I got it.
Communications Analyst for Coventry Healthcare.
Thank you, Jesus!
Details later...thanks for praying/reading
Tuesday, September 16, 2008
Waiting
It has been days since my interview and I am still waiting to hear.
Each day has felt so long, as I sit by my phone pleading with it to ring, screening every number.
I literally cannot sleep out of anticipation and when I do sleep, I dream about it. Sometimes I get the job, sometimes I don't.
This is like when we had to wait for cast lists to go up in high school. You were excited, but afraid of the potential letdown if you didn't get what you want.
It is like I can't dare to hope for the best...for fear that if I don't get this, the letdown will be unbearable. I have had several jobs tell me "you were our second choice!! You did so well, but we picked someone with more experience...but we know you will go so far."
Which of course is not actually encouraging because you still weren't picked. I don't know yet if I have been picked, but I am terrified of how I will feel if I am not.
I know God will provide. I really do know this. I just want this so very badly. And so many people sincerely prayed for this...why wouldn't it work?
I just wish I knew already.
Each day has felt so long, as I sit by my phone pleading with it to ring, screening every number.
I literally cannot sleep out of anticipation and when I do sleep, I dream about it. Sometimes I get the job, sometimes I don't.
This is like when we had to wait for cast lists to go up in high school. You were excited, but afraid of the potential letdown if you didn't get what you want.
It is like I can't dare to hope for the best...for fear that if I don't get this, the letdown will be unbearable. I have had several jobs tell me "you were our second choice!! You did so well, but we picked someone with more experience...but we know you will go so far."
Which of course is not actually encouraging because you still weren't picked. I don't know yet if I have been picked, but I am terrified of how I will feel if I am not.
I know God will provide. I really do know this. I just want this so very badly. And so many people sincerely prayed for this...why wouldn't it work?
I just wish I knew already.
Friday, September 12, 2008
Jodi Picoult thinks I'm calm
So my birthday was pretty great.
First of all, my interview was the best interview I have ever had. I think I just clicked, you know. The conversation was great and I feel very confident about the job. I am still praying that I am content no matter what, but I am hoping that I get it.
The best part was the amount of people praying for me. I had so many people sending me messages and comments saying "Happy Birthday, Diana- I'm praying for your interview!!" My friends are so special and great!!!!
So last night, Allen took me to see Jodi Picoult. I have never seen an author speak before, much less my favorite author, so I didnt know what to expect. Basically she addressed a crowd of 1200 people and talked about her research process for her books. I loved hearing about the specific processes for my two favorite books, Second Glance and Nineteen Minutes. We also had a Q&A time where she shared a lot more. I was especially disturbed to hear that they are changing the ending of My Sister's Keeper for the movie. I will be staging a protest in Hollywood soon. Stay tuned.
The best part was, of course, meeting her. There was a massive line for the signing and Allen and I were toward the back. The bad part was the hour+ wait, and the good part was the fact that she was more chatty with fewer people. She and I chatted a minute about how my favorite book is one she especially likes and how it is tough to get at first. Then Allen had her write happy birthday on my book and she goes "Is today your birthday?"
"Yes it is"
"Well happy birthday, Diana!"
"Thank you!! I found out a while ago you were coming on my birthday and it was the perfect thin to do!"
"Well, of course you do realize that is why I am here. For your birthday. "
"Oh well thank you!"
Haha so cute.
And then it gets better. I thought I lost my wallet (when really it had fallen out in my car,) and Jodi was just so upset about it. She kept saying "now you are going to associate my books with losing your wallet! I feel so terrible!"
When of course, it was TOTALLY her fault, right? I was very chill about it, since you know, stuff happens and she kept going "You are so calm! I would NOT be so calm!!" It was some pretty funny dialogue.
So, much like meeting Susan Egan, I was so pleased and surprised to see how genuine and down-to-earth someone I so admire is. It was a fantastic birthday present.
First of all, my interview was the best interview I have ever had. I think I just clicked, you know. The conversation was great and I feel very confident about the job. I am still praying that I am content no matter what, but I am hoping that I get it.
The best part was the amount of people praying for me. I had so many people sending me messages and comments saying "Happy Birthday, Diana- I'm praying for your interview!!" My friends are so special and great!!!!
So last night, Allen took me to see Jodi Picoult. I have never seen an author speak before, much less my favorite author, so I didnt know what to expect. Basically she addressed a crowd of 1200 people and talked about her research process for her books. I loved hearing about the specific processes for my two favorite books, Second Glance and Nineteen Minutes. We also had a Q&A time where she shared a lot more. I was especially disturbed to hear that they are changing the ending of My Sister's Keeper for the movie. I will be staging a protest in Hollywood soon. Stay tuned.
The best part was, of course, meeting her. There was a massive line for the signing and Allen and I were toward the back. The bad part was the hour+ wait, and the good part was the fact that she was more chatty with fewer people. She and I chatted a minute about how my favorite book is one she especially likes and how it is tough to get at first. Then Allen had her write happy birthday on my book and she goes "Is today your birthday?"
"Yes it is"
"Well happy birthday, Diana!"
"Thank you!! I found out a while ago you were coming on my birthday and it was the perfect thin to do!"
"Well, of course you do realize that is why I am here. For your birthday. "
"Oh well thank you!"
Haha so cute.
And then it gets better. I thought I lost my wallet (when really it had fallen out in my car,) and Jodi was just so upset about it. She kept saying "now you are going to associate my books with losing your wallet! I feel so terrible!"
When of course, it was TOTALLY her fault, right? I was very chill about it, since you know, stuff happens and she kept going "You are so calm! I would NOT be so calm!!" It was some pretty funny dialogue.
So, much like meeting Susan Egan, I was so pleased and surprised to see how genuine and down-to-earth someone I so admire is. It was a fantastic birthday present.
Wednesday, September 10, 2008
Happy Birthday Doogie
So...I'm 22 now.
Weeeird. I feel kinda old. Not because 22 is like a landmark age...more like because between turning 21 and 22, I did so many monumental things. Such as:
-buying a car and getting into my first car payment
-graduating from college
-getting my first real job
-getting married
-getting laid off from my first real job
It has been an eventful year.
Speaking of the job thing, I have a HUGE interview tomorrow. It is a second interview for a job I really want, a job in my field. I feel SO close. I want this. I just need to remember that this may or may not be what God wants for me, so if I do not get it, it is in His divine plan. I am confident.
In other news, my Sr. High girls chose to study Esther this season...I am super excited.
I am having a blast house sitting and spending time with Hayaka and Kassia, two exchange students (from Japan and China respectively.)
I found a pair of glasses that I am thoroughly in love with.
And I really need to give up Gilmore Girls cold turkey. This has been going on for like...four and a half years now? I am pathetic. And 22 for goodness sake!
Weeeird. I feel kinda old. Not because 22 is like a landmark age...more like because between turning 21 and 22, I did so many monumental things. Such as:
-buying a car and getting into my first car payment
-graduating from college
-getting my first real job
-getting married
-getting laid off from my first real job
It has been an eventful year.
Speaking of the job thing, I have a HUGE interview tomorrow. It is a second interview for a job I really want, a job in my field. I feel SO close. I want this. I just need to remember that this may or may not be what God wants for me, so if I do not get it, it is in His divine plan. I am confident.
In other news, my Sr. High girls chose to study Esther this season...I am super excited.
I am having a blast house sitting and spending time with Hayaka and Kassia, two exchange students (from Japan and China respectively.)
I found a pair of glasses that I am thoroughly in love with.
And I really need to give up Gilmore Girls cold turkey. This has been going on for like...four and a half years now? I am pathetic. And 22 for goodness sake!
Thursday, September 4, 2008
SO thankful
I am positively in awe of God's goodness and provision this week. The unemployment thing was getting harder and harder, and I finally made a real effort to pray about it and put it in God's hands. I know He would have done His will regardless, but it felt nice acknowledging it. Anyway, our one-income financial situation caught up to us this week and we were nervous about getting by (at least I was; Allen seemed really confident.) So we scrimped and prayed and tried to make it work.
First off, my selfish little mind was sad and worried that we would not be able to go out or do anything for my birthday at all, even the book signing (who knew book signings charged admission?!). And then my amazing husband says "Oh I will take care of it. I have money for that." And I kind of sarcastically say "where? Are you hiding money?" And he goes "actually, yes. I have been putting money aside to spend for your birthday." I was dumbfounded. And very touched. He is so incredibly sweet and what I ever did to deserve him, I will never know.
And then on Tuesday, completely out of the blue, I got a call from a woman from church asking if Allen and I would house sit for her next week, as well as care for her two exchange students that are staying there. And they would feed us all week. And give us gas money. And pay us. And boom in our hands is a check written exactly in the amount of our car insurance.
Then, my mother-in-law's partner from work was sick, and my sister-in-law and I were asked to take her place for a day. And this particular client likes to pay very generously. So there was another nice bit of money to take care of us.
And THEN I show up at this job and Allen's mom says "I have a surprise for you" and opens her car to reveal FIVE BAGS of groceries and a whole cooler of frozen food. In addition to that was an envelope with some more money. I was in shock and almost started crying. And all she kept saying was "I know you would do the same for us; it is not much and I wish we had more, but this will help." It was SO MUCH!!! I felt so blessed!
And then my sister-in-law spent the day with me today and invited us over for dinner, and I didn't have to worry about food or anything. I have the most generous and kind family in the world and I love my sister-in-law so much. She is so selfless and loves to give to others. Especially Allen and I.
And to top that off, I had two very good interviews this week for jobs IN MY FIELD!!! Pray!!!
Oh Lord, You are so kind. Why do I ever doubt? Please keep my faith strong. And THANK YOU!!!!
First off, my selfish little mind was sad and worried that we would not be able to go out or do anything for my birthday at all, even the book signing (who knew book signings charged admission?!). And then my amazing husband says "Oh I will take care of it. I have money for that." And I kind of sarcastically say "where? Are you hiding money?" And he goes "actually, yes. I have been putting money aside to spend for your birthday." I was dumbfounded. And very touched. He is so incredibly sweet and what I ever did to deserve him, I will never know.
And then on Tuesday, completely out of the blue, I got a call from a woman from church asking if Allen and I would house sit for her next week, as well as care for her two exchange students that are staying there. And they would feed us all week. And give us gas money. And pay us. And boom in our hands is a check written exactly in the amount of our car insurance.
Then, my mother-in-law's partner from work was sick, and my sister-in-law and I were asked to take her place for a day. And this particular client likes to pay very generously. So there was another nice bit of money to take care of us.
And THEN I show up at this job and Allen's mom says "I have a surprise for you" and opens her car to reveal FIVE BAGS of groceries and a whole cooler of frozen food. In addition to that was an envelope with some more money. I was in shock and almost started crying. And all she kept saying was "I know you would do the same for us; it is not much and I wish we had more, but this will help." It was SO MUCH!!! I felt so blessed!
And then my sister-in-law spent the day with me today and invited us over for dinner, and I didn't have to worry about food or anything. I have the most generous and kind family in the world and I love my sister-in-law so much. She is so selfless and loves to give to others. Especially Allen and I.
And to top that off, I had two very good interviews this week for jobs IN MY FIELD!!! Pray!!!
Oh Lord, You are so kind. Why do I ever doubt? Please keep my faith strong. And THANK YOU!!!!
Tuesday, August 26, 2008
I have not blogged in so long.
I guess...I feel guilty when I dont have anything profound to write. I feel like I should be writing encouraging thoughts, scripture, musings...when really, I am just getting by.
I am still unemployed and it still royally sucks. It is going on two months now, and I am struggling so much. People keep asking me if I have a job yet and then when I say no they say things like "well, you just have to keep trusting God!! He has a job for you!" But really, sometimes that does not encourage me, because I feel like my having a job is conditional on whether or not I trust God enough. I am trying. I pray about it. I cry out about it. Sometimes I have peace. But really, more often than not, I fail at trusting. So I just keep searching. And hopefully I will find a job soon, because every day I broaden the search criteria to encompass another field. It went from a bunch of specific administrative and writing jobs to sending a whole bunch of resumes to Early Childhood Education programs. Go figure.
In other news, Allen and I got a pet last weekend. He is a baby (2-3 month old) albino rabbit (white with pink eyes). We picked him up at an antique market in Potter County and named him Doug Bunnie. Hehehe. He is currently hopping the perimeter of my living room and dining room, nibbling on whatever he finds on the floor. He also poops on everything. I have taken to holding him in a blanket so to collect the piles of poop. I'll post a picture when I feel like loading them.
This summer's girls Bible study is about over, but I am looking forward to possibly beginning a fall one for the first time. I love teaching and leading a small group. It helps me so much.
Allen is taking me to see Jodi Picoult speak for my 22nd birthday, which is in a little over two weeks. I am so excited. Allen is far less excited as this would put him in nerd levels beyond anything he has ever known. The things my husband does for me :-) I love him.
Now off to eat my nutritious lunch of some Lean Cuisine Off-brand sweedish meatballs and Kashi Harvest Cheddar Crackers (my new favorite snack!!)
Peace out.
I guess...I feel guilty when I dont have anything profound to write. I feel like I should be writing encouraging thoughts, scripture, musings...when really, I am just getting by.
I am still unemployed and it still royally sucks. It is going on two months now, and I am struggling so much. People keep asking me if I have a job yet and then when I say no they say things like "well, you just have to keep trusting God!! He has a job for you!" But really, sometimes that does not encourage me, because I feel like my having a job is conditional on whether or not I trust God enough. I am trying. I pray about it. I cry out about it. Sometimes I have peace. But really, more often than not, I fail at trusting. So I just keep searching. And hopefully I will find a job soon, because every day I broaden the search criteria to encompass another field. It went from a bunch of specific administrative and writing jobs to sending a whole bunch of resumes to Early Childhood Education programs. Go figure.
In other news, Allen and I got a pet last weekend. He is a baby (2-3 month old) albino rabbit (white with pink eyes). We picked him up at an antique market in Potter County and named him Doug Bunnie. Hehehe. He is currently hopping the perimeter of my living room and dining room, nibbling on whatever he finds on the floor. He also poops on everything. I have taken to holding him in a blanket so to collect the piles of poop. I'll post a picture when I feel like loading them.
This summer's girls Bible study is about over, but I am looking forward to possibly beginning a fall one for the first time. I love teaching and leading a small group. It helps me so much.
Allen is taking me to see Jodi Picoult speak for my 22nd birthday, which is in a little over two weeks. I am so excited. Allen is far less excited as this would put him in nerd levels beyond anything he has ever known. The things my husband does for me :-) I love him.
Now off to eat my nutritious lunch of some Lean Cuisine Off-brand sweedish meatballs and Kashi Harvest Cheddar Crackers (my new favorite snack!!)
Peace out.
Saturday, August 2, 2008
Your love is...strong
I have not written in a while.
I wish that I had news to report but I don't. The job front is not looking promising at the moment. And I am not handling it well. Thankfully, I have my wonderful husband who won't let me fall, my friends who encourage me and mentors who pray for me. And a God who will never leave me.
I wish I could remember that more often.
I wish I didn't feel so sad. I wish I could stop crying. I wasn't so upset with myself.
I don't want to turn this post into something where I list all the reasons I am upset...just please pray if you read this because I am struggling.
Instead I will post some encouragement I have received:
Diane led me to look up this song:
Heavenly Father, you always amaze me
Let your kingdom come in my world and in my life
You give me the food I need to live through the day
And forgive me as I forgive the people that wronged me
Lead me far from temptation
Deliver me from the evil one
I look out the window the birds are composing
Not a note is out of tune or out of place
I look at the meadow and stare at the flowers
Better dressed than any girl on her wedding day
So why do I worry?
Why do I freak out?
God knows what I need
You know what I need
Your love is
Your love is
Your love is strong
Allen and I at Martha's vineyard.
Our God made that sunset...
I wish that I had news to report but I don't. The job front is not looking promising at the moment. And I am not handling it well. Thankfully, I have my wonderful husband who won't let me fall, my friends who encourage me and mentors who pray for me. And a God who will never leave me.
I wish I could remember that more often.
I wish I didn't feel so sad. I wish I could stop crying. I wasn't so upset with myself.
I don't want to turn this post into something where I list all the reasons I am upset...just please pray if you read this because I am struggling.
Instead I will post some encouragement I have received:
Diane led me to look up this song:
Heavenly Father, you always amaze me
Let your kingdom come in my world and in my life
You give me the food I need to live through the day
And forgive me as I forgive the people that wronged me
Lead me far from temptation
Deliver me from the evil one
I look out the window the birds are composing
Not a note is out of tune or out of place
I look at the meadow and stare at the flowers
Better dressed than any girl on her wedding day
So why do I worry?
Why do I freak out?
God knows what I need
You know what I need
Your love is
Your love is
Your love is strong
Allen and I at Martha's vineyard.Our God made that sunset...
Thursday, July 10, 2008
simple truth
I have found that when I am in trial, I get grouchy SO easily. Not just grouchy; over dramatic.
In this particular trial- with the whole "not having a job" thing- I just cry at the drop of a hat. I just feel sad SO often. Not because I doubt God's faithfulness...but because I doubt my own drive to do this job search thing. It is SO much work!!! And what I really want to do...teach...is such a long process for me. I am trying, but feeling so discouraged.
Last night I turned to my almost-asleep husband in bed and said
"I'm scared."
"Of what?" he answered
"Of failing," I whispered.
"You're not going to fail."
"How do yo know?" I pressed.
"You never have."
And he is right. But it is not by my own strength. Because I have Jesus in me, I cannot fail, as long as I am trusting Him.
Even when I am scared and don't know where I am going, my victory is in the One who knows.
Like my daddy told me today "Diana, your God has taken care of you for the past 21 years; what makes you think He will stop now?"
Taking care of me means providing. Providing means...a job? money? a raise for allen? daily bread?
No matter what it looks like, I have no reason for tears.
I have such small faith sometimes. Thank You, Father, for simple truth from dear loved ones.
In this particular trial- with the whole "not having a job" thing- I just cry at the drop of a hat. I just feel sad SO often. Not because I doubt God's faithfulness...but because I doubt my own drive to do this job search thing. It is SO much work!!! And what I really want to do...teach...is such a long process for me. I am trying, but feeling so discouraged.
Last night I turned to my almost-asleep husband in bed and said
"I'm scared."
"Of what?" he answered
"Of failing," I whispered.
"You're not going to fail."
"How do yo know?" I pressed.
"You never have."
And he is right. But it is not by my own strength. Because I have Jesus in me, I cannot fail, as long as I am trusting Him.
Even when I am scared and don't know where I am going, my victory is in the One who knows.
Like my daddy told me today "Diana, your God has taken care of you for the past 21 years; what makes you think He will stop now?"
Taking care of me means providing. Providing means...a job? money? a raise for allen? daily bread?
No matter what it looks like, I have no reason for tears.
I have such small faith sometimes. Thank You, Father, for simple truth from dear loved ones.
Thursday, July 3, 2008
More than the sparrows
"There is no easy way of saying this; we are letting you go."
Those were the words my (ex)boss spoke to me yesterday. Yes, I was fired. I hate the word fired...it sounds like that you are getting burned at the stake for something you did wrong, when really, this was not my fault. I was a personal assistant to the CEO. The company was acquired, so he is no longer the CEO. The new managers dont feel they need to pay someone to run errands when they can do it themselves. He threw in words like "it wasnt a good fit" and "I know you have been unhappy here, even though it has not affected your work" and "you are too talented and intelligent for a job like this," but honestly, it was because my position is now obsolete.
And you know what, I was ok. When I found out my boss wanted to meet with me, I had this feeling I would be let go. Nervousness filled my body and I felt choked inside. But then I took a breath, pulled me travel Bible in front of me and read Matthew 6
25"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? 26Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life[b]?
Then I cried.
He promised me any job recommendation in the world. He assured me that he checked around the company for another job that they could give me. He promised that this was on good terms and he would support me 100% in finding a new job.
But after two weeks, my income is gone.
I am scared. Trying not to be, but I am. Allen and I are just starting out. We are learning to budget, save, communicate, live...we can't live as we are on one salary. He is being so supportive and encouraging, trying to calm my fears. My friends have offered us the world. My parents and his parents are there. But my job is gone. I am no longer financially contributing to my family.
God is not gone though. All day, people reminded me "consider the sparrows. Are you not worth more than these?" And even when I screw up over and over, God never says "we are letting you go." He is kinda and merciful. He loves me and cares for me. He will not let us be in want. He WILL NOT forsake us.
Please pray. Pray I am not scared. Pray my husband doesnt have to work twice as much so I never see him. Pray I find a job that I like. Please.
Those were the words my (ex)boss spoke to me yesterday. Yes, I was fired. I hate the word fired...it sounds like that you are getting burned at the stake for something you did wrong, when really, this was not my fault. I was a personal assistant to the CEO. The company was acquired, so he is no longer the CEO. The new managers dont feel they need to pay someone to run errands when they can do it themselves. He threw in words like "it wasnt a good fit" and "I know you have been unhappy here, even though it has not affected your work" and "you are too talented and intelligent for a job like this," but honestly, it was because my position is now obsolete.
And you know what, I was ok. When I found out my boss wanted to meet with me, I had this feeling I would be let go. Nervousness filled my body and I felt choked inside. But then I took a breath, pulled me travel Bible in front of me and read Matthew 6
25"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? 26Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life[b]?
28"And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. 29Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. 30If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? 31So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' 32For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. 33But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 34Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.
So I went into it with that knowledge on my heart. I had asked for this, prayed for this. I wanted a new job and time to find one. This was a blessing.
Until I heard these words: "you havent worked here long enough for a severance."Then I cried.
He promised me any job recommendation in the world. He assured me that he checked around the company for another job that they could give me. He promised that this was on good terms and he would support me 100% in finding a new job.
But after two weeks, my income is gone.
I am scared. Trying not to be, but I am. Allen and I are just starting out. We are learning to budget, save, communicate, live...we can't live as we are on one salary. He is being so supportive and encouraging, trying to calm my fears. My friends have offered us the world. My parents and his parents are there. But my job is gone. I am no longer financially contributing to my family.
God is not gone though. All day, people reminded me "consider the sparrows. Are you not worth more than these?" And even when I screw up over and over, God never says "we are letting you go." He is kinda and merciful. He loves me and cares for me. He will not let us be in want. He WILL NOT forsake us.
Please pray. Pray I am not scared. Pray my husband doesnt have to work twice as much so I never see him. Pray I find a job that I like. Please.
Monday, June 30, 2008
Song
I had the great privilege of getting to know the Altrogge family at my college church. Mark Altrogge is a gifted worship songwriter in the Christian community, who wrote songs that I grew up on such as "I'm Forever Grateful" and "I Stand in Awe of You." Mark is very humble about his talents of music, recognizing it is something he can do only on God's strength and by His grace.
A year ago, Mark and his son Stephen (another talented musician and songwriter) released a CD called "In a Little While." It was a little weird buying a CD that featured my pastor and Bible study leader and weirder still when I found myself listening to it ALL the time, but I am so blessed by it still. It brings me to worship like few other song compilations can.
This song was originally a German hymn, but Mark arranged this version. It has given me peace and comfort on my occasions.
Listen to it here
and read the story of how my dear friend Beth inspired her dad to arrange it here
May you be greatly blessed by these lyrics that God kindly passed Mark's way.
A year ago, Mark and his son Stephen (another talented musician and songwriter) released a CD called "In a Little While." It was a little weird buying a CD that featured my pastor and Bible study leader and weirder still when I found myself listening to it ALL the time, but I am so blessed by it still. It brings me to worship like few other song compilations can.
This song was originally a German hymn, but Mark arranged this version. It has given me peace and comfort on my occasions.
Listen to it here
and read the story of how my dear friend Beth inspired her dad to arrange it here
May you be greatly blessed by these lyrics that God kindly passed Mark's way.
Whatever My God Ordains is Right
Whatever my God ordains is right
In his love I am abiding
I will be still in all he does
And follow where he is guiding
He is my God; though dark my road
He holds me that I shall not fall
And so to him I leave it all.
Whatever my God ordains is right
He never will deceive me
He leads me by the proper path
I know he will not leave me
I take content, what he has sent
His hand can turn my griefs away
And patiently I wait his day.
Whatever my God ordains is right
Though now this cup in drinking
Bitter it seems to my faint heart
I take it all unshrinking
My God is true; each morn anew
Sweet comfort yet shall fill my heart
And pain and sorrow shall depart.
Whatever my God ordains is right
Here shall my stand be taken
Though sorrow, or need, or death be mine
Yet I am not forsaken
My Father’s care circles me there
He holds me that I shall not fall
And so to him I leave it all.
Thursday, June 26, 2008
Happy?
Confession. I have been very unhappy lately. I have been having some extreme trial with work, and it has carried greatly into my attitude to the point that I feel almost constantly sad. I cry all the time. I blow things out of proportion. The unhappiness is overshadowing the things that make me happy. It has gotten to the point that I am sad when I spend time with my husband because I am thinking about the things that make me sad at work. I believe that I truly am being wronged and I have reason for my mood; but I have NO excuse to let it affect (or control) my life like this. But what to do?
I started thinking about the concept of happiness. Happiness is an emotion, and our emotions are so fickle. I wake up and kiss my husband, so I am happy. I get in the car to go to work and hit traffic so I am sad. I get to work and a friend tells me some good news so I am happy. I stay at work longer and get treated unkindly, so I am sad. And the cycle continues. Add in sickness, fatigue, PMS, boredom, frustrations, outside circumstances, and my emotions are swayed even more. How do I not let my fickle emotions rule me?
God does not command us to be happy. He does not say "You should be smiling and thrilled in the circumstance that you feel taken advantage of at work." I doubt when Jesus being nailed to the cross was His mind thinking "I am so happy right now!"
However, God does command us to have two constant states of being: "Be joyful always" (1 Thessalonian 5:16) and "Be content" (1 Timothy 6:8)
What does this mean? How does this apply to me?
I went online today and looked through online Bible glossaries, dictionaries and commentaries. Here is what I came up with:
JOY: Biblical joy, I am gathering, can be defined as delight in God, specifically in God's grace. The Greek word that is most commonly used for joy is CHARA which translates to "joy, gladness, and delight." It is also directly related to the Greek word CHARIS, which means grace (which I have heard defined as 'a gift of something that you don't deserve.') So therefore, God's grace produces our joy.
I am taking this to mean that because we have been given God's grace, therefore we should delight in it. God's grace to us is constant and His gift of His son has already been given; therefore we should ALWAYS find joy in that. Joy does not just mean thinking "yeah this is great...I am ok with this." Joy is taking great pleasure and gladness from something. Thriving on it. Allowing it to fill you. I delight in spending time with my husband. When he and I are together, I am often filled with that warm, fuzzy, life is good feeling. My delight/joy in God should be astronomically huger than that. He has given me SO much more: my life, my salvation, His spirit... I should be thrilled to the brim with joy in that fact.
So even when something sad happens in my life, I should still have joy because of the consistent fact that God has bestowed His favor on me, even though I absolutely do not deserve it.
So joy is the constant state, but how am I to feel about circumstances? I mean let's face it, even though it should be, God's grace is not constantly at the forefront of my mind and probably won't
be the constant this side of glory. Thankfully, God has something to stay about our state of being in regard to our circumstances.
CONTENTMENT: From my research this morning, I would summarize contentment as "a state of mind where one is satisfied with whatever one's circumstances are due to the hope in God's promises and provision." This is what is most difficult to me. Basically, I should be satisfied with whatever I am given because no matter what I face, I have God. I guess it is the mental recognition of "situation x is ok because that's how God has it right now, and He is in control."
God has given me Jesus to save my sins. He has given me His Spirit to live in my heart. He has given me my husband, who is my best friend and partner. He has given me a place to live, food to eat and clothes to wear. According to the principle of contentment, that is enough. The rest is extra blessing.
Wow. I fail at contentment every single day. Multiple times. My heart is so sinful. Somehow I have come to think that I deserve more or don't deserve whatever bad thing I am going through. But really, I deserve Hell. Anything better than Hell is God's grace (through which I am given joy; see the connections!)
But how do I daily practice contentment and joy? I am honestly asking because even though I know these things, I am not really joyful or content on a consistent basis. I mean, reading and writing these things has helped to put my life in perspective and restore my joy. And our kind God is so forgiving, and makes my joy new no matter how many times I lose it. But what are some practical ways when circumstances are just plain sad do I bring joy and contentment to the forefront of my mind? I haven't found that answer yet, but the apostle Paul has. I leave you with his God-inspired words. In the meantime, will you pray for me? With me?
Philippians 4
4Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! 5Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. 6Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus....
11I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. 12I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. 13I can do everything through him who gives me strength.
some sites I used in this post:
I started thinking about the concept of happiness. Happiness is an emotion, and our emotions are so fickle. I wake up and kiss my husband, so I am happy. I get in the car to go to work and hit traffic so I am sad. I get to work and a friend tells me some good news so I am happy. I stay at work longer and get treated unkindly, so I am sad. And the cycle continues. Add in sickness, fatigue, PMS, boredom, frustrations, outside circumstances, and my emotions are swayed even more. How do I not let my fickle emotions rule me?
God does not command us to be happy. He does not say "You should be smiling and thrilled in the circumstance that you feel taken advantage of at work." I doubt when Jesus being nailed to the cross was His mind thinking "I am so happy right now!"
However, God does command us to have two constant states of being: "Be joyful always" (1 Thessalonian 5:16) and "Be content" (1 Timothy 6:8)
What does this mean? How does this apply to me?
I went online today and looked through online Bible glossaries, dictionaries and commentaries. Here is what I came up with:
JOY: Biblical joy, I am gathering, can be defined as delight in God, specifically in God's grace. The Greek word that is most commonly used for joy is CHARA which translates to "joy, gladness, and delight." It is also directly related to the Greek word CHARIS, which means grace (which I have heard defined as 'a gift of something that you don't deserve.') So therefore, God's grace produces our joy.
I am taking this to mean that because we have been given God's grace, therefore we should delight in it. God's grace to us is constant and His gift of His son has already been given; therefore we should ALWAYS find joy in that. Joy does not just mean thinking "yeah this is great...I am ok with this." Joy is taking great pleasure and gladness from something. Thriving on it. Allowing it to fill you. I delight in spending time with my husband. When he and I are together, I am often filled with that warm, fuzzy, life is good feeling. My delight/joy in God should be astronomically huger than that. He has given me SO much more: my life, my salvation, His spirit... I should be thrilled to the brim with joy in that fact.
So even when something sad happens in my life, I should still have joy because of the consistent fact that God has bestowed His favor on me, even though I absolutely do not deserve it.
So joy is the constant state, but how am I to feel about circumstances? I mean let's face it, even though it should be, God's grace is not constantly at the forefront of my mind and probably won't
be the constant this side of glory. Thankfully, God has something to stay about our state of being in regard to our circumstances.
CONTENTMENT: From my research this morning, I would summarize contentment as "a state of mind where one is satisfied with whatever one's circumstances are due to the hope in God's promises and provision." This is what is most difficult to me. Basically, I should be satisfied with whatever I am given because no matter what I face, I have God. I guess it is the mental recognition of "situation x is ok because that's how God has it right now, and He is in control."
God has given me Jesus to save my sins. He has given me His Spirit to live in my heart. He has given me my husband, who is my best friend and partner. He has given me a place to live, food to eat and clothes to wear. According to the principle of contentment, that is enough. The rest is extra blessing.
Wow. I fail at contentment every single day. Multiple times. My heart is so sinful. Somehow I have come to think that I deserve more or don't deserve whatever bad thing I am going through. But really, I deserve Hell. Anything better than Hell is God's grace (through which I am given joy; see the connections!)
But how do I daily practice contentment and joy? I am honestly asking because even though I know these things, I am not really joyful or content on a consistent basis. I mean, reading and writing these things has helped to put my life in perspective and restore my joy. And our kind God is so forgiving, and makes my joy new no matter how many times I lose it. But what are some practical ways when circumstances are just plain sad do I bring joy and contentment to the forefront of my mind? I haven't found that answer yet, but the apostle Paul has. I leave you with his God-inspired words. In the meantime, will you pray for me? With me?
Philippians 4
4Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! 5Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. 6Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus....
11I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. 12I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. 13I can do everything through him who gives me strength.
some sites I used in this post:
http://www.biblelearn.com/j_frame.htm
http://www.biblestudytools.net/Dictionaries/BakersEvangelicalDictionary/bed.cgi
http://www.ccel.org/contrib/exec_outlines/fs/fs_10.htm <--really cool article
Tuesday, June 24, 2008
Familiar
"I am so excited, Diana!" Rachel said to me across the small table in the cafe.
I bit into my sandwich and nodded. "Me too."
But really excitement was not the emotion at the forefront of my mind. Beginning a new Bible study brings in such a wave of feelings. Nervousness, apprehension, honor, humility, indecisiveness...I could go on.
This is my third year with this group, and now they are all in high school. I remember when they came into the classroom three years ago, some so excited to be hanging out with older girls, some with arms crossed and looks of defiance across their faces. They hardly knew each other, much less me, and yet I was responsible for communicating the Word of God to them in a manner that they would understand. No easy task.
This year is different, however. I am not in a full-out youth group commitment (which basically means the Bible study is one of the few interactions I will have with the girls this year. Before I had time to take them out often throughout the week.) I have a co-leader. And the girls are old enough, in my opinion, to study something a little more controversial and nitty gritty.
I have wanted to teach a study on purity and relationships for a very long time, but held off for several reasons. The girls were too young to get much out of it. I was too immature to have any real wisdom on the subject (I still may not be wise, but at least I am married now, which means I am done with pre-marital relationships). I was still feeling too convicted in my own mistakes to feel that I was qualified to teach someone else. But now, I feel it is time, and my co-leader (also married) agrees.
An hour after our dinner conversation, we sat around a round table and conversed with the girls. With every second, any nervousness fled. I could call to mind individual memories and moments with each of these girls. We have had individual relationships, bits, trials and good times. This Bible study is going to be something special. Where leadership and mentoring was prominent, now fellowship and friendship join in. I am so blessed to have had the same girls for three years.
For the most part, they were into studying the "purity book" (Rebecca St. James' Wait For Me.) Now comes the hard part: teaching it. Please pray that Rachel and I would have great wisdom and discernment as we approach a topic that is so real and so hard for teenagers today. I have full confidence that if we focus on God's words, rather than our own, the Spirit will do the rest in their hearts. But please pray that we would be willing tools.
I love my girls so much!!
I bit into my sandwich and nodded. "Me too."
But really excitement was not the emotion at the forefront of my mind. Beginning a new Bible study brings in such a wave of feelings. Nervousness, apprehension, honor, humility, indecisiveness...I could go on.
This is my third year with this group, and now they are all in high school. I remember when they came into the classroom three years ago, some so excited to be hanging out with older girls, some with arms crossed and looks of defiance across their faces. They hardly knew each other, much less me, and yet I was responsible for communicating the Word of God to them in a manner that they would understand. No easy task.
This year is different, however. I am not in a full-out youth group commitment (which basically means the Bible study is one of the few interactions I will have with the girls this year. Before I had time to take them out often throughout the week.) I have a co-leader. And the girls are old enough, in my opinion, to study something a little more controversial and nitty gritty.
I have wanted to teach a study on purity and relationships for a very long time, but held off for several reasons. The girls were too young to get much out of it. I was too immature to have any real wisdom on the subject (I still may not be wise, but at least I am married now, which means I am done with pre-marital relationships). I was still feeling too convicted in my own mistakes to feel that I was qualified to teach someone else. But now, I feel it is time, and my co-leader (also married) agrees.
An hour after our dinner conversation, we sat around a round table and conversed with the girls. With every second, any nervousness fled. I could call to mind individual memories and moments with each of these girls. We have had individual relationships, bits, trials and good times. This Bible study is going to be something special. Where leadership and mentoring was prominent, now fellowship and friendship join in. I am so blessed to have had the same girls for three years.
For the most part, they were into studying the "purity book" (Rebecca St. James' Wait For Me.) Now comes the hard part: teaching it. Please pray that Rachel and I would have great wisdom and discernment as we approach a topic that is so real and so hard for teenagers today. I have full confidence that if we focus on God's words, rather than our own, the Spirit will do the rest in their hearts. But please pray that we would be willing tools.
I love my girls so much!!
Tuesday, June 17, 2008
A post of randominity
Sometimes I like to write bullet posts with obscure thoughts. This is one of them:
-The Tony Awards were surprisingly not that disappointing. I mean, I didn't know too many of the shows this year (I remember when I knew ALL of them and had Tony parties!) but I knew enough to appreciate the wins. My highlight was watching Laura Benanti win best supporting for Gypsy. I saw her in Sound of Music when she was only 19 years old (I was 12 :-)) and she blew me away then. She deserved this. I was sad that Kelli O'Hara did not win best actress, although I expected it. Yes, Patti Lupone is an insane character actress and she belts very loudly. Yes she is the biggest Broadway Diva of her time. Of COURSE when you give her the ultimate Broadway Diva role she will win. Why can't we have a vocally talented ingenue win for once!?! Kelli O'Hara was a freaking opera singer and has played some versatile roles; she deserves a good solid chance at a Tony.
End Rant.
-I finally have all my wedding photos and now am trying to design an album online. It is very very very very overwhelming. I know so little about layouts and my placement thoughts go about as far as "oo this looks pretty! let's put this picture here!" so making a whole album that looks professional and artistic is a challenge. I love it though :-)
-I was supposed to go to the gym this morning. I was supposed to go to the gym last Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday as well. However, I have not. I HATE getting up earlier than I need to! It is really pathetic. I can get up at 7:30 for work, but I cannot get up at 6:45 for the gym, even though it makes me feel good. If only my husband didnt leave before me- then he could MAKE me get up. But it just doesnt work like that. I need to be working out regularly again, like I did in college. But in college, I always went from like 8:30-10:30 at night, which just isn't practical now. Allen and I did take a walk last week and looked at the gym in our development. We admired the nice equipment. Then we left. Le sigh.
-Jodi Picoult has ruined my ability to enjoy other novels. Nothing is complex enough after reading her works of genius. However, Jodi Picoult has also given me a great appreciation for Law and Order Special Victims Unit. This show and her books make me want to be a cop or a prosecutor or a private detective. Then I think about my personality and fear of blood; and realize I just really want to be Mariska Hagatay.
-Steve and Barry's is my new fashion discovery. Go find a store, even if you must travel. Three words: Nine dollar shoes.
I think that is enough for now.
Here is a fun picture of Allen singing in the car as I try to look like Audrey Hepburn (my main goal in life ;-))
-The Tony Awards were surprisingly not that disappointing. I mean, I didn't know too many of the shows this year (I remember when I knew ALL of them and had Tony parties!) but I knew enough to appreciate the wins. My highlight was watching Laura Benanti win best supporting for Gypsy. I saw her in Sound of Music when she was only 19 years old (I was 12 :-)) and she blew me away then. She deserved this. I was sad that Kelli O'Hara did not win best actress, although I expected it. Yes, Patti Lupone is an insane character actress and she belts very loudly. Yes she is the biggest Broadway Diva of her time. Of COURSE when you give her the ultimate Broadway Diva role she will win. Why can't we have a vocally talented ingenue win for once!?! Kelli O'Hara was a freaking opera singer and has played some versatile roles; she deserves a good solid chance at a Tony.
End Rant.
-I finally have all my wedding photos and now am trying to design an album online. It is very very very very overwhelming. I know so little about layouts and my placement thoughts go about as far as "oo this looks pretty! let's put this picture here!" so making a whole album that looks professional and artistic is a challenge. I love it though :-)
-I was supposed to go to the gym this morning. I was supposed to go to the gym last Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday as well. However, I have not. I HATE getting up earlier than I need to! It is really pathetic. I can get up at 7:30 for work, but I cannot get up at 6:45 for the gym, even though it makes me feel good. If only my husband didnt leave before me- then he could MAKE me get up. But it just doesnt work like that. I need to be working out regularly again, like I did in college. But in college, I always went from like 8:30-10:30 at night, which just isn't practical now. Allen and I did take a walk last week and looked at the gym in our development. We admired the nice equipment. Then we left. Le sigh.
-Jodi Picoult has ruined my ability to enjoy other novels. Nothing is complex enough after reading her works of genius. However, Jodi Picoult has also given me a great appreciation for Law and Order Special Victims Unit. This show and her books make me want to be a cop or a prosecutor or a private detective. Then I think about my personality and fear of blood; and realize I just really want to be Mariska Hagatay.
-Steve and Barry's is my new fashion discovery. Go find a store, even if you must travel. Three words: Nine dollar shoes.
I think that is enough for now.
Here is a fun picture of Allen singing in the car as I try to look like Audrey Hepburn (my main goal in life ;-))
Monday, June 16, 2008
Beth's Photos
My dear friend Beth is a very gifted photographer. Last week, she gave me my wedding photos. I am so impressed by the beautiful detail and personality she captured. Here are a few favorites.
"No I cannot babysit today; I am getting married!"
My mother brings out the dress
My beautiful mother
getting ready with the girls
the beauty of age
I needed a kiss from Grandma before I would leave my bridal chamber.
the beautiful church
Flowers
Action shot
A sweet moment
My daddy...
dear friends...
Precious new life
Icing makes kisses sweeter
A tale as old as time...
And they lived happily ever after...
"No I cannot babysit today; I am getting married!"
My mother brings out the dress
My beautiful mother
getting ready with the girls
the beauty of age
I needed a kiss from Grandma before I would leave my bridal chamber.
the beautiful church
Flowers
Action shot
A sweet moment
My daddy...
dear friends...
Precious new life
Icing makes kisses sweeter
A tale as old as time...
And they lived happily ever after...Saturday, June 14, 2008
I really miss writing.
Not writing like this- I can always do this, tho sometimes it is hard to find a topic or a purpose.
I miss writing because I have to, because my grade depends on it, because someone is expecting a story to read the next day.
Today the Governor of Delaware came to my office. It was supposed to be a press conference, but not too many (if any) members of the press were there. So I quickly asked one of my marketing friends to grab a pad and pen for me, and as soon as I had it, I was furiously scribbling my notes. I tried to capture the excitement in their voices, the integrity in their words, the joy in their tones.
After I was back at my desk, I typed up my notes, which were full of incomplete thoughts, my own shorthand and then stared at them looking for my story. What was the lead? What part do I focus on? Whose quotes do I emphasize? How do I turn these thoughts into coherent sentences? How do I get this quote accurate based on memory?
When I was done, I had a story. Not a terribly interesting one, but a story just the same. I breathed a sigh of relief, placed the story in the hands of those who can do something with it, and waited. I am still waiting, but I feel like I accomplished something small. I was able to document a small piece of my company's history. I was able to summarize an hour into a few words. Other people can read it now.
I wish I could do that always.
Not writing like this- I can always do this, tho sometimes it is hard to find a topic or a purpose.
I miss writing because I have to, because my grade depends on it, because someone is expecting a story to read the next day.
Today the Governor of Delaware came to my office. It was supposed to be a press conference, but not too many (if any) members of the press were there. So I quickly asked one of my marketing friends to grab a pad and pen for me, and as soon as I had it, I was furiously scribbling my notes. I tried to capture the excitement in their voices, the integrity in their words, the joy in their tones.
After I was back at my desk, I typed up my notes, which were full of incomplete thoughts, my own shorthand and then stared at them looking for my story. What was the lead? What part do I focus on? Whose quotes do I emphasize? How do I turn these thoughts into coherent sentences? How do I get this quote accurate based on memory?
When I was done, I had a story. Not a terribly interesting one, but a story just the same. I breathed a sigh of relief, placed the story in the hands of those who can do something with it, and waited. I am still waiting, but I feel like I accomplished something small. I was able to document a small piece of my company's history. I was able to summarize an hour into a few words. Other people can read it now.
I wish I could do that always.
Friday, June 6, 2008
I am not a very good blogger.
I am so torn between writing thoughtful spiritual things and my daily musings. Both take more effort and thought than I am often willing to give. Shame on me.
I am frustrated in general with one aspect of my life, namely the fact that I have a job that I dont love. Dont get me wrong, it is a WONDERFUL company with amazing people. My boss is kind and my coworkers are becoming dear friends. But I am doing a job that is pretty mindless and not using my degree. That is hard on me since I worked so hard to get a degree and finish college. I also feel like God wants me to be more directly serving others and impacting lives. I have always been a relational person- and my job requires a lot of time isolated in a cubicle. Please pray for wisdom. I am in the process of inquiring about/applying for graduate school for a MA in teaching. Please pray that door is either opened or closed clearly.
My dear friend Kristy once encouraged me to write down my blessings so that I can ponder them and consciously thank Jesus for them. Here are a few (trying to be specific):
-My husband is still amazing. See my post from a few back. I absolutely adore him and being with him every day is nothing short of a dream come true. He takes care of me so well and loves me so well. *Sigh*
-My best friend Diane from IUP is coming to visit me tonight (well providing my check with some gas money arrives today. Otherwise she may have to hitchhike and who knows when she will arrive.) I miss her terribly and cant wait to spend three days laughing with (and at) her.
-I have flowers in my house. Currently there are three vases, though all three are nearing their ends. Still, the very fact that they are there makes me happy.
-I have read about 6 novels in the past two weeks. I know that is kind of sick to some, but it thrills me.
-I have actually gone to the gym twice this week. Go me.
-My friend Elise who just came to Jesus last month is growing daily and daily sharing her new joy with me. It is so encouraging to have a front row seat to this amazing transformation.
-Elise also has a baby. His name is Vinny and he is so darn cute. And he loves me. I am his fake Aunt.
-I love that my dear 2-year-old friend Karlyn can say my name. She calls me Ina and calls Allen Ayen. Close enough. But it warms my heart to walk into church and hear "Ina and Ayen!" Please pray for her by the way. There is a chance that her spine could naturally straighten and she wouldnt need more back surgeries. That would be amazing. (she has spina bifida)
-I have been reading the Sermon on the Mount and have been seeing things I never saw before. God is so kind.
I will update more later. Until then, I leave you with a picture from my sister-in-law's wedding last weekend.
I am so torn between writing thoughtful spiritual things and my daily musings. Both take more effort and thought than I am often willing to give. Shame on me.
I am frustrated in general with one aspect of my life, namely the fact that I have a job that I dont love. Dont get me wrong, it is a WONDERFUL company with amazing people. My boss is kind and my coworkers are becoming dear friends. But I am doing a job that is pretty mindless and not using my degree. That is hard on me since I worked so hard to get a degree and finish college. I also feel like God wants me to be more directly serving others and impacting lives. I have always been a relational person- and my job requires a lot of time isolated in a cubicle. Please pray for wisdom. I am in the process of inquiring about/applying for graduate school for a MA in teaching. Please pray that door is either opened or closed clearly.
My dear friend Kristy once encouraged me to write down my blessings so that I can ponder them and consciously thank Jesus for them. Here are a few (trying to be specific):
-My husband is still amazing. See my post from a few back. I absolutely adore him and being with him every day is nothing short of a dream come true. He takes care of me so well and loves me so well. *Sigh*
-My best friend Diane from IUP is coming to visit me tonight (well providing my check with some gas money arrives today. Otherwise she may have to hitchhike and who knows when she will arrive.) I miss her terribly and cant wait to spend three days laughing with (and at) her.
-I have flowers in my house. Currently there are three vases, though all three are nearing their ends. Still, the very fact that they are there makes me happy.
-I have read about 6 novels in the past two weeks. I know that is kind of sick to some, but it thrills me.
-I have actually gone to the gym twice this week. Go me.
-My friend Elise who just came to Jesus last month is growing daily and daily sharing her new joy with me. It is so encouraging to have a front row seat to this amazing transformation.
-Elise also has a baby. His name is Vinny and he is so darn cute. And he loves me. I am his fake Aunt.
-I love that my dear 2-year-old friend Karlyn can say my name. She calls me Ina and calls Allen Ayen. Close enough. But it warms my heart to walk into church and hear "Ina and Ayen!" Please pray for her by the way. There is a chance that her spine could naturally straighten and she wouldnt need more back surgeries. That would be amazing. (she has spina bifida)
-I have been reading the Sermon on the Mount and have been seeing things I never saw before. God is so kind.
I will update more later. Until then, I leave you with a picture from my sister-in-law's wedding last weekend.
Wednesday, May 28, 2008
Please pray for my friend Ian.
He had a terrible car accident almost 2 years ago. His life is miraculous, but he still has a long way to go. He is in a wheelchair and unable to verbally communicate. While we know he is in there, his family and friends miss him very much.
I so admire his girlfriend, Larissa. She has stuck by him through this whole journey, never leaving his side. She says she will be his girlfriend until God tells her otherwise. She is such an incredible testimony of love.
Please pray that God would heal Ian. Also please pray that someday, he and Larissa can get married. I want that blessing for them more than anything.
Pray For Ian: Pics
Friday, May 16, 2008
My wonderful husband
I have not yet been married a month, and already I know I have the best husband in the world. biased? Perhaps, but with good reason. He is not just wonderful because he has gotten me flowers twice since we got married. Not only because after I was so tired yesterday I came home to find him already cooking dinner so I could lie on the couch and read. Not even because of the wine and candlelight.
I adore Allen Robert Paisley because he points me toward God. I have had some discouraged days lately, and when I am discouraged, I often email him from work. Instead of ignoring my emails (even though he totally could because he is so busy) or even writing me back with lots of compliments from his own mouth, he responds with an email or call quoting scripture. He digs in the Word, finds something encouraging and then passes it my way. I love that he values my relationship with our Father so much that he would rather my focus be on God then on him. Because let me tell you, I love to focus on Allen. And the coolest thing is, he has been doing this through our whole dating relationship. When we were dating and he was trying so hard to guard me and my emotions, he would say "I have so many things I want to say to you, but I want to guard your heart, so here is what I think God would like to say."
And the thing is, my heart is his now (second to being God's) and he doesnt have to "guard" it anymore, but he still points me to our Lord.
How blessed I am.
Thank you, God, for my husband
Can you see how much I adore him?
I adore Allen Robert Paisley because he points me toward God. I have had some discouraged days lately, and when I am discouraged, I often email him from work. Instead of ignoring my emails (even though he totally could because he is so busy) or even writing me back with lots of compliments from his own mouth, he responds with an email or call quoting scripture. He digs in the Word, finds something encouraging and then passes it my way. I love that he values my relationship with our Father so much that he would rather my focus be on God then on him. Because let me tell you, I love to focus on Allen. And the coolest thing is, he has been doing this through our whole dating relationship. When we were dating and he was trying so hard to guard me and my emotions, he would say "I have so many things I want to say to you, but I want to guard your heart, so here is what I think God would like to say."
And the thing is, my heart is his now (second to being God's) and he doesnt have to "guard" it anymore, but he still points me to our Lord.
How blessed I am.
Thank you, God, for my husband
Can you see how much I adore him?
Wednesday, May 7, 2008
love
Song of Solomon 2:10-13My lover spoke and said to me,
"Arise, my darling,
my beautiful one, and come with me.
See! The winter is past;
the rains are over and gone.
Flowers appear on the earth;
the season of singing has come,
the cooing of doves
is heard in our land.
The fig tree forms its early fruit;
the blossoming vines spread their fragrance.
Arise, come, my darling;
my beautiful one, come with me."
Tuesday, April 29, 2008
Wedding Pictures
april 19, 2008
allen and diana paisley
perfect day. so blessed. God is so good!
more pics to come!
Waiting for the big moment
My little sister, my mom and I
(arent they beautiful!!!)
I love my flowers!
In the chapel
my husband and I :-)
My bridal party
i know it is big, but i love them all :-)
mr. and mrs. paisley
my girls
top: rachel, diane, jackie
bottom: justine, christina, me, megan, heather, serra
mom and rachel fixing my veil
cake on the face!
allen and diana paisley
perfect day. so blessed. God is so good!
more pics to come!
Waiting for the big moment
My little sister, my mom and I(arent they beautiful!!!)
I love my flowers!
In the chapel
my husband and I :-)
My bridal partyi know it is big, but i love them all :-)
mr. and mrs. paisley
my girlstop: rachel, diane, jackie
bottom: justine, christina, me, megan, heather, serra
mom and rachel fixing my veil
cake on the face!Saturday, January 19, 2008
My plan vs God's plan
It has been a shamefully long time since I have written. Life has been crazy, and God has shown me another wonderful aspect of His character: His timing.
As I mentioned in my previous post, I was instructed by my friend Lola to find some life verses to preach to myself in times of need. My second one that I chose several weeks ago is one I have known forever, but never felt as strongly as I do now:
11 For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. 12 Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. 13 You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.
One of my biggest struggles as of late has been wondering what in the world I am doing with my life. I graduated from college on December 15 with a degree in journalism and theater (not the most useless majors in the world, but definitely not the most common if you know what I mean.) When I originally selected those majors, "the plan" was to move to a city after college and have some big city theater/writing job. Well, when I got engaged over a year ago, that plan changed, as I made the decision to marry a man who is working close to my home. Do I regret that decision at all? Absolutely not! But upon graduation I found myself with bills to pay, an April wedding quickly approaching, a great need for money and no definite job.
Needless to say, I was beside myself with anxiety. I questioned everything from my major to my college to the timing of my wedding to the fact that God even cared about what I was doing at all. I was convinced that He had left me in this situation without direction and that I would have to figure out for myself what I was doing. I cried and complained and got angry. I was so consumed with pride that I couldn't see this incredible opportunity to trust God! You see, I wanted a job in MY field in MY timing...and I didn't want to make exceptions. I had the audacity to ask God for a job, but then tell Him that there were some jobs I absolutely did not want because I had a college degree...and then got upset and thought He didn't care when I watched my financial needs get bigger and bigger.
Finally, God gave me a wakeup call. A friend of my father's approached me on Sunday and asked how my job search was going. When I expressed my concerns, he said to me
"You know, I spent some time working a job that seemed to be less than my degree, but God used that in that season on my life. Diana, in Jeremiah He promises to provide for us! He tell us that He has a plan for us and that this plan is to prosper us, to give us hope and give us a future. He will not do any less than that, even if it is not how you want it to. Trust Him!"
I was so humbled by that. I was putting God in a box by not believing He would provide for me. So the next day, I prayed and surrendered my job situation to Him, and recognized that no matter how He decided to provide, I would trust that it was His plan. Then I started filling out some more applications for jobs I would not have considered before, telling God that I trusted that if those were the jobs He had for me, I knew He would use them to provide for me and my family.
That afternoon, I got a call. I was offered a prestigious (for a beginner) position at a very big company. A job that would give me more than I expected in benefits and would bless my marriage greatly. A job that was beyond what I was expecting that morning.
I had actually called upon Him and He listened. I found Him when I sought Him with my heart trusting and open. He had the plan all along- I think He was just waiting for me to surrender MY plan to Him. And I am so glad that He waited for me to learn that lesson in humility.
As I mentioned in my previous post, I was instructed by my friend Lola to find some life verses to preach to myself in times of need. My second one that I chose several weeks ago is one I have known forever, but never felt as strongly as I do now:
11 For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. 12 Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. 13 You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.
One of my biggest struggles as of late has been wondering what in the world I am doing with my life. I graduated from college on December 15 with a degree in journalism and theater (not the most useless majors in the world, but definitely not the most common if you know what I mean.) When I originally selected those majors, "the plan" was to move to a city after college and have some big city theater/writing job. Well, when I got engaged over a year ago, that plan changed, as I made the decision to marry a man who is working close to my home. Do I regret that decision at all? Absolutely not! But upon graduation I found myself with bills to pay, an April wedding quickly approaching, a great need for money and no definite job.
Needless to say, I was beside myself with anxiety. I questioned everything from my major to my college to the timing of my wedding to the fact that God even cared about what I was doing at all. I was convinced that He had left me in this situation without direction and that I would have to figure out for myself what I was doing. I cried and complained and got angry. I was so consumed with pride that I couldn't see this incredible opportunity to trust God! You see, I wanted a job in MY field in MY timing...and I didn't want to make exceptions. I had the audacity to ask God for a job, but then tell Him that there were some jobs I absolutely did not want because I had a college degree...and then got upset and thought He didn't care when I watched my financial needs get bigger and bigger.
Finally, God gave me a wakeup call. A friend of my father's approached me on Sunday and asked how my job search was going. When I expressed my concerns, he said to me
"You know, I spent some time working a job that seemed to be less than my degree, but God used that in that season on my life. Diana, in Jeremiah He promises to provide for us! He tell us that He has a plan for us and that this plan is to prosper us, to give us hope and give us a future. He will not do any less than that, even if it is not how you want it to. Trust Him!"
I was so humbled by that. I was putting God in a box by not believing He would provide for me. So the next day, I prayed and surrendered my job situation to Him, and recognized that no matter how He decided to provide, I would trust that it was His plan. Then I started filling out some more applications for jobs I would not have considered before, telling God that I trusted that if those were the jobs He had for me, I knew He would use them to provide for me and my family.
That afternoon, I got a call. I was offered a prestigious (for a beginner) position at a very big company. A job that would give me more than I expected in benefits and would bless my marriage greatly. A job that was beyond what I was expecting that morning.
I had actually called upon Him and He listened. I found Him when I sought Him with my heart trusting and open. He had the plan all along- I think He was just waiting for me to surrender MY plan to Him. And I am so glad that He waited for me to learn that lesson in humility.
Wednesday, January 9, 2008
Empathy
For Sunday School for the next few weeks, I have the great privilege of meeting with my Pastor's wife, Lola, for one on one mentoring. She is helping me with some areas of struggle in my life, as well as giving me advice and counsel for my married life. This past Sunday, she encouraged me to find "life verses" to get me through particular trials or struggles in my life. They could be commands, promises, encouragement or God simply telling me He loves me. I wanted to find ones that applied to this point in my life, rather than just selecting ones I have used in the past, and spent some time going through past encouraging verses. Here is the first one that I came up with. I will post my other one soon. May you too be encouraged.
Hebrews 4:14-16
14Therefore, since we have a great high priest who has gone through the heavens, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold firmly to the faith we profess. 15For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are—yet was without sin. 16Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.
I selected this verse to be a reminder of the power of Christ over the sins I find myself caught in most frequently. This verse fills me with awe. When I sin, which is quite often, the last thing I tend to think of is the fact that my Savior could relate to me. When I feel tempted in certain areas, sometimes I feel such compulsion to give in that I don't even listen to the voice of the Holy Spirit. And afterwards, I feel terribly hopeless and like a failure.
However, I am not alone. Even though Christ was without sin, He still felt the brunt of Satan's most direct temptation. Did His heart race like mine does? Did His mind feel like a blur of conflicting messages? I don't know what the exact experiences of Jesus were, but I know that the Word of God says that He was tempted in every way that we were. And through the power of God and the proclaiming of His Word, Jesus fought Satan's tempting voice.
He was without sin. Now I know that I will not be without sin in this lifetime, but I do have the promise of God that if I approach the throne of grace with confidence, I will receive mercy and grace to help in my time of need. The mercy is the undeserved forgiveness that God bestows upon me when I do fail. And the grace is the undeserved favor that I receive by being blessed with His Spirit who has the power to help me fight.
I feel such great comfort in knowing that Jesus not only is compassionate to my weaknesses and sin, but also completely understands how I am feeling. Even though the translation I have says that he sympathizes, I feel that it goes way beyond that, to the very concept of empathy. Empathy is not just understanding one's feelings, but actually entering into and experiencing one's feelings. Jesus does this for us so that we can have a perfect example of how to respond to tempting situations, and so that we may have hope to respond to them. Our Savior is so kind to go beyond saving us and actually give us this example and hope.
*sites used: www.biblegateway.com and www.dictionary.com
Hebrews 4:14-16
14Therefore, since we have a great high priest who has gone through the heavens, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold firmly to the faith we profess. 15For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are—yet was without sin. 16Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.
I selected this verse to be a reminder of the power of Christ over the sins I find myself caught in most frequently. This verse fills me with awe. When I sin, which is quite often, the last thing I tend to think of is the fact that my Savior could relate to me. When I feel tempted in certain areas, sometimes I feel such compulsion to give in that I don't even listen to the voice of the Holy Spirit. And afterwards, I feel terribly hopeless and like a failure.
However, I am not alone. Even though Christ was without sin, He still felt the brunt of Satan's most direct temptation. Did His heart race like mine does? Did His mind feel like a blur of conflicting messages? I don't know what the exact experiences of Jesus were, but I know that the Word of God says that He was tempted in every way that we were. And through the power of God and the proclaiming of His Word, Jesus fought Satan's tempting voice.
He was without sin. Now I know that I will not be without sin in this lifetime, but I do have the promise of God that if I approach the throne of grace with confidence, I will receive mercy and grace to help in my time of need. The mercy is the undeserved forgiveness that God bestows upon me when I do fail. And the grace is the undeserved favor that I receive by being blessed with His Spirit who has the power to help me fight.
I feel such great comfort in knowing that Jesus not only is compassionate to my weaknesses and sin, but also completely understands how I am feeling. Even though the translation I have says that he sympathizes, I feel that it goes way beyond that, to the very concept of empathy. Empathy is not just understanding one's feelings, but actually entering into and experiencing one's feelings. Jesus does this for us so that we can have a perfect example of how to respond to tempting situations, and so that we may have hope to respond to them. Our Savior is so kind to go beyond saving us and actually give us this example and hope.
*sites used: www.biblegateway.com and www.dictionary.com
Friday, January 4, 2008
New Year's Resolutions
To the reader,
I have kept silly, sentimental and superficial blogs for years now. But now, I desire to share with you what I believe God has placed upon my heart. Don't get me wrong- I still will share goofy moments and fond memories...but above all, I want my musing to point you to my Savior.
Be blessed.
Diana
It is 2008
2008 is the year I get married. It is my first year out of school. It is the year I move out of my parent's home forever.I want all these things so badly, but am I ready? Will I ever be? I love Allen more than anything, and I truly desire that he love God more through my encouragement. I can't wait for our life together. I just want to be the best wife I can be.
2008 is the year I get married. It is my first year out of school. It is the year I move out of my parent's home forever.I want all these things so badly, but am I ready? Will I ever be? I love Allen more than anything, and I truly desire that he love God more through my encouragement. I can't wait for our life together. I just want to be the best wife I can be.
I used to hate New Years Resolutions because they are so cliche. Yes, I have a cliche resolution to lose some weight and eat healthier and exercise, and I am working on the logical plan of action to do so.
But moreso I want to resolve to deepen my relationship with Christ. To make prayer a second nature. To be continually conversing with the Savior. To relish the Word and read it daily. To put God above anything else and put my fiance/husband above myself. To grow with Allen as much as possible. To bless others. To be active in my church. To impact lives as a youth leader. To glorify my Father.I know it is a lot, but with God, all things are possible. If we ask for things in His name that are in accordance with His will, He will give freely. So really, I neednt doubt that God bless me with all those things, because they are all things that He desires. And I know that HE put those desires in my heart, because my sinful heart can not come up with them on its own.
Tonight, Allen and I discussed the ways we want to deepen our relationships with God and then share what we learn so we can grow and deepen our relationship with each other. It is intimidating and overwhelming sometimes, how directly our spiritual walks affect each other, but Allen is such a man of confidence in God. His heart is at peace and encouraged that within the next three months, God will bring us to the point of being ready to be husband and wife. And it will not happen a day sooner than April 19. God will work in us, preparing us for that moment, and will continue to work in our marriage for the rest of our lives. How can I not trust that our kind God will bless us for trying to honor Him?
At dinner, Allen prayed for an extra measure of faith and of grace. And we wait with eager hearts to receive what God bestows on us. He already gave us such an invaluable blessing with each other. I am so incredibly thankful for my husband-to-be, and I know I will love him even more this year than I did in 2007...and I didnt know it was possible to love someone more, and I am already feeling it.
But I want to be most thankful for my Lord. He gave me this year. May I give it back to Him.
my cousin and i...one of my favorite christmas day pictures
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