Waiting

It has been days since my interview and I am still waiting to hear.
Each day has felt so long, as I sit by my phone pleading with it to ring, screening every number.
I literally cannot sleep out of anticipation and when I do sleep, I dream about it. Sometimes I get the job, sometimes I don't.
This is like when we had to wait for cast lists to go up in high school. You were excited, but afraid of the potential letdown if you didn't get what you want.
It is like I can't dare to hope for the best...for fear that if I don't get this, the letdown will be unbearable. I have had several jobs tell me "you were our second choice!! You did so well, but we picked someone with more experience...but we know you will go so far."
Which of course is not actually encouraging because you still weren't picked. I don't know yet if I have been picked, but I am terrified of how I will feel if I am not.
I know God will provide. I really do know this. I just want this so very badly. And so many people sincerely prayed for this...why wouldn't it work?
I just wish I knew already.