In this particular trial- with the whole "not having a job" thing- I just cry at the drop of a hat. I just feel sad SO often. Not because I doubt God's faithfulness...but because I doubt my own drive to do this job search thing. It is SO much work!!! And what I really want to do...teach...is such a long process for me. I am trying, but feeling so discouraged.
Last night I turned to my almost-asleep husband in bed and said
"I'm scared."
"Of what?" he answered
"Of failing," I whispered.
"You're not going to fail."
"How do yo know?" I pressed.
"You never have."
And he is right. But it is not by my own strength. Because I have Jesus in me, I cannot fail, as long as I am trusting Him.
Even when I am scared and don't know where I am going, my victory is in the One who knows.
Like my daddy told me today "Diana, your God has taken care of you for the past 21 years; what makes you think He will stop now?"
Taking care of me means providing. Providing means...a job? money? a raise for allen? daily bread?
No matter what it looks like, I have no reason for tears.
I have such small faith sometimes. Thank You, Father, for simple truth from dear loved ones.
2 comments:
Diana, I came across your journal and have kinda felt like a snoop - reading about your life without you knowing. But I'm glad I did. :)
I know exactly how you feel. Come this fall I will leave my job to be a full time mom. And even now, as I sit here and type this, I can feel the fear building up inside of me. How are we going to make it? How are we going to have enough money? How is my husband going to survive being a full time dad, a full time grad student and working a full time job? I have so many questions and so many fears but the one thing, the only thing that comforts me is knowing that God doesn't have those questions or fears. He isn't wondering how He is going to provide for me. He isn't wondering how He is going to give my husband strength to fulfill all of his duties. He already knows.
It's hard to let go of our worries but thankfully He understands and forgives us for our doubt. He will provide for you and for me. He will send you just the right opportunity at just the right moment. Keep your chin up and keep trusting in Him. :)
-Sarah Piper
Hey lovely lady,
So wonderful to see you yesterday!!
Love you lots and praying for you and Allen.
-EP
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